Padma’s Words

When you look into the sadness of your own existence, you will find many things. On one hand, I am so very grateful that I do not have to bear such a burden for eternity.

If I should have to carry about this load forever surely I would fail. I am only strong enough to carry what I can, but of course if I am forced to take more, such is the way of the world.

However, there is not only peril, but also wonder. The ways of the world bring such freedom if you will only take it and relish it.

Yet I continue to try and grasp what I cannot hold and instead am left holding only my baggage, but if I just let go and watch the load carry itself, surely I would find that freedom.

I am caught up in a circle of traps, I am afraid to let go, I do not know how, but I know that if I do I will see that which I crave. Yet, the craving is the very problem.

How is there a balance to be achieved at all? I struggle so mightily with this, for years I have tried to break this wheel, but for years I have fallen without doing so.

Well, I do not fail; I just get pushed down a bit. If I could only find my Guru, if I could only connect with him or her, I would be saved, but sadly I do not even know his name.

Every time I clean house for a guest, I get lost in the chaos and forget about their arrival. Another opportunity lost. We only get a few chances, if any at all, so I know that I must make that commitment. I just don’t know how.

Find out how, and you will have your freedom.

There comes a time, every now and then
When you are lost and you realize that you have been, for a while
Its not a question of happiness, it’s a question of peace
And when it hits you the thoughts, well they never cease

Who am I? Where am I going?
Its an endless battle the tide constantly turning
Its like you get so secure, in your own little world
And then something comes to shatter what you’ve learned

Learning new things isn’t so bad
But its not just that it’s the not going back
Each new thought destroys what you have tried so hard to secure
A feeling of comfort, in your own skin, in your own world

And here you are left, naked to the bone
Naked to the heart and naked to the soul
A child looking to return to the womb
That shoved you out so quickly into the cold

I want to go home, my vacation is over
But I can’t figure out how to get out of this cover
I’ve seen other people, waiting, wondering, and watching
And they never get home; they only get softened

A poet once said, and left these words in my head:

I didn’t come here of my own accord, and I can’t leave that way
Whoever brought me here will have to take me home